1. Why do people lie?
* three things:they are compelled to,they are forced to or they want to.ha ha

2. Have u ever said, you'll never love again?
* ah?ha ha ha!nagcorny nak la kuman.ha ha

3. Is there anything bothering you right now?
* June 8 is.

4. Is there something you wanna let go of?
* my my my clumsiness?

5. Do the old songs you had in your
past really remind u of the memories?
* ahh.i think so.

6. How important is "trust"?
* next to the physiological needs.ha ha.that will be my modified hierarchy of needs.

7. Do you believe in soulmates?
* Nooo.how do you even know you have a soul?

8. How do you forget your problem?
* i don't forget problems.i solve them.ha ha

9. Is crying a sign of weakness?
* not always.

10. Why do u answer surveys?
* first:i'm bored. second:i'm bored third:i'm bored.

11. Do you always regret?
* too young to be cynical dude.ha ha

12. What is ur current profy song?
* i can't remember.

13. Do you believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder?
* ha ha!wat kind of survey is this?absence makes the heart forget!

14. Do you believe that you have a guardian angel?
* i do.

15. What will u do if you're stuck in the elevator with someone you don't know?
* i'd pray that person is real.it would be scarier if it was someone who past away.

16. Have you ever wanted something but you can’t have it?
* who haven't?

17.Have you ever said 'i love you' but you lied?
* none that i know of.

18. Would you ever want to go back in the past?
*ewww.i wnat to go to the futurrre.ha ha

19. Do you really wanna please everybody?
* hah?were you born yesterday?ha ha

20. Is waiting forever okay?
* eww.how pathetic.

21. Right now, where do you wanna be?
* i want to be in the vastness of your dreams..ha!ha!

22. When is enough is enough?
* enough is enough. ha ha

23. What are you so sick and tired of?
* this meme?ha ha

24. What made you smile today?
* that people woke me up at 6:30!ha!how thoughfulllll!

25. Is looking good important?
* maybe.jobs require you to have a pleasant personality.they might as well say."good looking with a golden heart".ha!ha!

26. Do u listen to love songs when you’re down?
* duhh!i listennn to "I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU".HA HA!

27. What are you thankful for?
* oops.ha ha.everything.

28. Do you believe that love is lovelier the second time around?
* ha ha.do you?

29. Do you believe in forever?
* forever?literally or figuratively?i disagree with the former though.

30. What are your plans for the weekend?
* go figure.ha ha

1. Bakit ka nahuhuli sa pila bago mag-flag-ceremony?
>nahuhuli ba ako tuwing flag-ceremony?

2. Anong fave mong bilhin sa canteen?
>nakalimutan ko na.anything edible. ha ha

3. Na-guidance/principal's office ka na ba?
>big YES.ha ha

4. Sinong fave teacher mo?
>si Teddy Bear.

5. Sinong HATEST teacher mo nmn?
>sino ba?ha ha.Yung baklang parang naligo sa wheat flour sa puti ng mukha.He was never my teacher and if he ever was,wait,no!

6. Sinong most love teacher mo?
>how is most love different with fave?

7. Nakakahiyang pangyayari?
>many too mention.ha ha.nahiya naman ako.

8. Most memorable moment:
>marami din.ha ha

9. Varsity?
>volleyball player ako nung high schooool.ha ha.duhh!

11. Sinu-sino mga kabarkada mo nun?
>18 pipol.

13. Ilang beses mo nang nawawala ung ID mo?
>neeever.

14. Favorite teacher's quotable quote?
>"you're not a rock star"
"i'll make your Filipino class a hell"
at marami pang iba.My memory banks are pretty inefficient.

15. Most unforgettable persons?
>many to mention.ha ha

16. May yearbook kayo?
>xempree.

17. I-describe ang mukha mo sa huling grad pic mo..
>ha ha!and more ha ha!Pangit.as usual.ha ha

18. Anong binibili mo sa labas tuwing uwian?
>street foods.ha ha.

19. Nakakita ka na ba ng multo sa school?
>hindiii.

20. Nangarag ka ba sa updating/paghahabol sa projects?
>hindi hypeeerrr ako.ha ha

21. Ano ang unang-una mong ginagawa after classes?
>foood trip.ha ha

22. Ano naman ang papel mo sa rum?
>auditorr?ha ha

23. Favorite vendor?
>mg Mina.ha ha

24. Kung papalitan ang color ng uniform nyo, ano color gusto mo?
>okay na un.ha ha.

25. Kilala mo ba kung sino ang mga pasaway sa room nyu?
>lahat kami?ha ha

26. Sino sa mga ka-batch mo ang pwede sa pinoy big brother?
>sino ba?ha ha

27. pinaka cute sa room nyu?
>hah?wala kami nun.ha ha

28. Sino ang favorite love team sa room mo?
>love team?Vera and Aldwin forever.ha ha

29. May CAT ba kayo sa school niyo?
>ah eh.

30. Ano rank mo sa CAT niyo?
>mm.troop leader yata ako nun.ha!ha!ha!

31. Ano tawag sayo sa room mo?
>reda?

32. Active ka ba sa mga school activities niyo?
>mejo?

33. May mga nakaaway ka ba sa room mo?
>ewan.

34. Nangongopya ka ba pag exams?
>big YES.HA HA

35. Umiyak ka ba nung graduation niyo?
>uu.eh.ha ha

i am busy.

"This week had been awfully tiring" is an understatement. More of a complain less likely to be a narration.

I'm in the process of accustoming myself to my new schedule.All my classes were adjusted to 7 a.m.,and when i say all, i mean monday to saturday. Six days dude.Six days.

Every night, i try to fix my strings,those that have been worn out during the day, those that ceased to be less functional, those that lost the confidence to speak and to endure the fear of strangers and demonstrating.And in the morning i try to revive and renew optimism.Sometimes i do but sometimes i do not.But i try.Because i have come to a major realization(yes,an epiphany!): You can't play with broken strings.

****

We had a work this week.Yes, a need to interview a geriatric patient.An old man/woman to be exact.Looking for a subject wasn't easy if not for the aid of our instructor.The old woman is 71 years old. She had undergone 6 heart strokes,a breast cancer survivor and a victim of hypertension.All the aforementioned were inherited,well,except for the cancer.Luckily,she is now in her recovery.

Anyway, the real deal is.This old woman claims that she knew me.She knew us.She was a retired professor and when we went to the house,a glimmer was seen in her eyes.She began telling that she knew us.That we were here students in high school before.Then she looked at me and asked "You are Margarita,aren't you?".

Maybe i know you.Or maybe i looked like Margarita.That is if that girl with that name wears her pigtails.Well,we'll never know.Or maybe i was Margarita in past life?Oh,that's supposed to be called reincarnation and that is a different story.

****
People never asked me why i wear pigtails. Maybe they thought i miss childhood or i was just so juvenile,childish and immature as my sister says it.But really,it does have an explanation.I have always feared speaking(this is not a joke).I never had the confidence to stand in front and air my convictions.Lately,i needed a lot of self-esteem booster.But i never had one.And so i divide my hair in two hemispheres.That way,i think,yes,i think that i can put all the pressures i am experiencing,the fear of talking and the lack of confidence into my hair.Hoping conduction would work.And was it worth it?...Really,i never really know.

****

I'm off.7:00 o'clock is too early.7:00 o'clock is just too early.

Dear Mr. D Vera,

By all means,i want to contend or question your definition of respect.

I recognize that your cognizance about the matter was limited. But with all due respect sir,i seek to clarify your conclusion,of you,being treated like a dog unnoticed.I apologized.And should you feel that my apology is not enough,doesn't mean you have all the right to threaten me(yes,because i assume i was the one you were really trying to get answer from but i was too engrossed with the demonstration) and my groupmates (who were all shocked by your presence).

From a sleep-deprived nursing student

-excerpt,from a notebook

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr.De Vera scolded us or more of me,this week.It's not only the trauma that bothers me,it's that someday,he'll remember those faces and he'll treat us in an inhumane manner.

I have heard his name in corridors,in conversations and the resonance was more like a character of horror,embarassment and fear.

I've been resilient about the matter for how many months now.Sure i complain(always and always) about my course.But i no longer or rather,i've temporary closed my door to shifting.My ardent attention for writing is still there.But my hands are already worn out and my brain has lost its compassion for beautiful words,metaphors and semiotics.And my subject and my verb,sometimes,they no longer agree.

It's a different track now.Maybe turning 17 makes you different.Maybe you grow up a bit.Maybe you realize what you really want.

I feel good when i pass my quizzes.I felt elated when i passed second semester.There are many things i am yet to surpassed.But there is a different world here.It's the lives you are dealing and not the innanimate objects.

Sometimes,i fear trying.But other times,i feel much better learning new things.And my dreams?They are still there. They are hidden tucked in my pillows every night and they are in between my notebooks packed in a box.They are written in the vast azure sky.

Hi melancholy,please stop following me.

When you want to be alone in a fastfood chain,the last thing you want to do is be seated with someone.And next to that: is someone asking you if she can share the seat with you.(And for the love of values,you agreed).Then she started breastfeeding her child.QUE HORROR!

She woke up to billowing curtains and weightless against a big bright window. She wore a genuine smile. In the afternoon, people gathered around the big table. She stood in the center of the crowd. She—in her plain boring red shirt matched with a knee-length jumper. She—scared, naive and innocent. Everyone smiling at her beaming in happiness, greeting her with a big "Happy Birthday".They started singing that local song, asking a random boy to put some miniature crown made of flowers on top of her head.Then while they would eat,she would sneak to a room to open her gifts. Barbie Dolls,money,toys in various forms,tees.Then she would flash that genuine smile,like she did that morning.

It was the 13th of April.It was a celebration of her birth birth.It was special.She felt joyous,needed,she felt loved,she felt appreciated--and she felt grateful that she was alive.

But in the long run,these perceptions ceased.

Maybe she grew up a little.Or maybe she got sadder everytime she see a year being added to her age.
________________________________________________________________________

I can't remember the last time April 13 felt like my birthday.Was it when i was 5?Was it 8 or 9 or 10?The strings,the filmstrips doesn't seem to find their connection.Or maybe,it was me who lost the scent or that thing connecting those memories.

There is a part of me that suffers in grief but i felt happy. But today,i still believe that birthdays are special.These events maybe responsible:

1)Endorphins perhaps were released by my brain giving me a natural "high" feeling
2)Our exam in NCM was postponed
3)I felt loved. Because of these simple little things.Because of these people who makes me less sad.thank you :)

I am 17 now.When people tell me that i should grow up,i pause and deny the accusation.But actually,i don't want to grow up.I want to be trapped in my own little childish nutshell where everything---is everything i wanted.I want to be able to see things like when i was in that boring red shirt matched with a knee-length jumper.I want to be carefree and idealistic.But sadly i cannot.

_______________________________________________________________________

That night, the little girl held her rosary. She thanked God for a beautiful day wishing that the next day will be as bright as that day's morning. Her eyes are round and moist and a smile that lasts was drawn in her lips. I’ve seen her many times before. But she’s not seen me yet. Perhaps, she’ll never will. She'll never know that she was a part of me.

But that birthday,it will resonate there in that room, in that window,in that year(whatever that is) and in that memory of that little girl.

________________________________________________________________________

Happy Birthday to me.!

When people want to change, they go to the parlor to have a haircut, even if it's ugly, even if it doesn't suit their preference or their looks, even if it means risking the lengthy hair cascading past their shoulders, they have been trying to grow and preserve for years. Because there was something in that hair that needs to be removed. There was something in that hair that needs to be altered.

I was one of those people.

I had a haircut today.Although the hair cutter failed to comprehend with my instructions,i felt that i no longer carry a very heavy emotional baggage.

I've always wished to grow my hair longer than the usual. But this shorter hair gives me a better perspective of the world.A better view of the things that was concealed to me by my wavy(okay, it's still wavy),unpleasantly(still unpleasant)tucked long hair(or at least, i think it is).

I had the worst experiences with that hair.Or better yet, the toughest.But i need not to elaborate on that.And i am not blaming anything,although it seems like i am.

It's just that, i felt compelled to cut my hair.Because i know, there are some things that i need to left behind.Like the scars made by my first year in college.Like the ones i grieved about. Like the ones i felt obliged to do for other people but never liked. Like the ones that have driven me into a whirlwind of thoughts.

But this hair will grow again. Like every living things. This too will reach a certain point where it would be cut again.I don't know if it will still be the same people i'll be with. The same subject i'll be hard up.The same route i'll be tracking. But for now, I want to see change even if it spells only few strands, a few centimeters. I want to see life as it unfolds into a new one just by using a comb.

This is an experiment of time, of hair and of a life not yet fulfilled.

This is the hellest of the hellest week.I wnat to have a haircut.

okay.back to work.

Random epiphanies:

I realized that in college,group work isn't fun anymore. While you work hard for something you want to have, the others receive the same credit for something they didn't even tried to lend a hand.

I realized that when someone wants something, they tend to be selfish. That even though they know that someone has shared so much,that even though that someone needs their help,they won't listen.Because they are so driven by their so called ambition.

I realized that for every little thing you receive, there is an accompanying loss. And for every little thing you give,comes an accompanying compensation.

I realized that you should not judge people recklessly. Sometimes, when all else fail,you may not expect it, but the ones you labeled "geniuses" will be there. (sorry, i should have not done that)

I realized that it takes a long exam in cardiovascular system for you to realize that nursing is not for you.(this is subject for revision)

I realized that sometimes, you just need to let things out.You must filter the pain and leave the positive vibes.

I realized that you just need to understand.That sometimes,the things you see in primetime bida don't actually happen in actuality. Thanks real life.

I realized that it's 18 today.!Happy Monthsary 18!

The fickle shoe box of fate didn't want me.

End of epiphanies

i never back-up files..

why?

Happiness is relative.It's not something you can compare to that girl next to you because her perspective varies.It's not something that is fixed because everything is ephemeral.

But it's the mere thought that crosses my already deranged mind,"what does it mean to be happy"?

Sometimes it's a tap in the back,a compliment,a genuine smile or a reminder that not all is lost.Sometimes it's the unbiased understanding between two people-- like how Piglet understands Winnie the Pooh's crazy obsession with honey.Sometimes it's the random moments when life caught you off guard.

But how do you know if you're happy when you don't even know what happiness means?

Ah.ha ha.basta.
If it's for me,then it's for me.If it's not for me,then i guess,the path on the other side of the fork road is better,greener and yet,tougher.

Everything is still uncertain.But i know,i just know,that God knows what's best.

Yesterday,i had 3 straight hours(in the morning) and another 3 straight hours(in the afternoon),and another 2 straight hours (in the evening) reading chapters of the Detective Conan series.I'm done with the first 200 chapters.Unlike Death note,which has only more than 100,the current manga is not yet finished,and yet it already reached 679 chapters.And that's the reason,why today,i had a headache.A tolerable and at the same time intolerable headache.My vision was sorta blurry.And i can't keep my ears glue to the lessons in school.Then this happened during anatomy class:

The instructor was discussing something about the esophagus.I pretended to be listening,of course.It's actually my subconscious mind that is really working.I can't sleep in that class.He began asking questions like,So why is the smooth muscle only found in the lower portion?Can you still survive without your pharynx?Why?

Names were called.Some answered,they stood up parading their "Hi.I-deserve-to-be-a-nursing-student constipated saccharine smiles" others just displayed their "Okay.Please.I don't have any answer for that question.Don't ask me" smiles.It so happen that i belong in the latter.

I:Okay.*looks at the attendance sheet*.Miss Reda Regina S. Galapia(with prolonged pronunciation).*class laughs*

Why is the length of the esophagus 10 cm?
WHAT THE?!

Me:*smiles* then looks away.

Err.okayy..i will be on a detective conan manga diet.for the meantime.

Megan McCafferty's Jessica Darling(no,not the porn star)series comes in full circle.I want thisss :)




i'm gonna make that senryu.soon.

Distractions are devices used in the process of forgetting.

I've had the most demanding subjects this year.And even worst,the second semester.

In how many weeks now,we'll be having our finals.In few weeks,i'll pass my not so outstanding research paper.In few weeks or in a month,i'll be passing lots of requirements and perhaps,receive my class cards.In less than two months,i'll be turning 17.ha ha

Speaking of distractions,i'm currently reading a manga,yes,the detective conan's series.I'll keep myself distracted for a while.I can't bear reading that thick,time consuming book by tortora.

College is tough but I'm clinging to what the jonas brothers have said,"Hold On".

Ha ha

I am compelled to read a 25 pages hand out in NatSci.

-













-





-

where do i go?

so i lose that contest i never intended to join.no regrets.i have my 0.25 anyway.

and there are 5 things i've learned from a politician today.choose your battle,prepare to lose some,be patient,you're not alone and idealism and practicality are not mutually exclusive.

ha ha.

So i have to join a love letter writing contest.So i have to expose a work without worth.It was a tragedy i know.It doesn't have a tinge of power.It was a mess.And i was happy that it was. I know i could've done better but at that moment,it's only the things circling on my mind.I never had an experience relating to love.(of course aside from love of friends and family).Then there was Pablo Neruda dragging me into a seat to write a love letter for him!In response to his poem "Tonight,i can write the saddest lines".

And so i told him:
"Tell me again why you wrote that poem,that poem which spoke of the saddest lines,whose lines sting in the crevices of my being,whose lines could put the loveliest Mediterranean sunset drown to tears"

He didn't snapped back.Even at the end when i said.

"But you left me.Tonight,next to my bed,I'll sleep with loneliness.Tonight,silver raindrops will glide across my glasspanes. And tonight,i will dream,i will dream of you and me together again.Like every girl's dream,like every slow dance and soft murmuring hearts.Like you are imagined and real."

Oh,Neruda.Tonight and the night to come,you can write the saddest lines.But yesterday, you made me wrote the most awful work that shall be noted in history.Oh,Neruda,how i dislike your lines.How i envy you for having power for words,something i do not have.

I wish i could write again.Okay,so i'm so bitter.ewww.

And so at the bottom,i wrote the corniest line,

From the lady whose love for you is as infinite as the sky,
Rilke

It's 5 a.m and i'm blogging.Oh.wait.For real, i'm gonna go vomit now.

If there is one thing,i am certain of at the moment,it is this:

God is good.